I Suffer from Chronic and Severe RBF

I have had RBF for a majority of my life. I was probably born with it and my parents never knew. It’s time to talk about it. I kind of have to talk about it because it isn’t something I can hide. My face is my face and I can’t do anything about it. For those of you that don’t know what RBF stands for it means Resting Bitch Face. Simply put, it means I look angry and/or sad ALL the time, even when nothing is wrong. I don’t do it on purpose or am aware of it 99% of the time.

I think all girls have been burdened by this condition at some point during their lifetime. Like, why do I have to smile for no reason anyway? I’m pretty sure it’s creepy AF when I walk by a stranger and they’re smiling at the air. You look like you’re guilty. You look like you proudly stepped on a puppy and got away with it. I will never trust people who smile while walking down the street but I digress…

It’s like I have to smile all the time! No matter the time, place, or situation I HAVE to be smiling or something must be terribly wrong. I think it’s an expectation that all women must look soft, nurturing, and easily approachable 24/7. Well, if that’s the case it’s dumb and I’m here to break the mold, obviously. WAIT, if there’s Resting Bitch Face where is Resting Asshole Face? Hmm.. I’m pretty sure that’s not a thing. I wonder why. Guys are taught from birth that they should always remain confident, assertive, and survival of the fittest is the only way to go. Do you know who said “I’d rather be feared than loved”? It was Niccolo Machiavelli in the 1500s and it’s not really important to prove my point. Point being- It was a guy!

Here are some prime examples when I can already tell you that you should not expect me to be smiling during:

  1. Monday. And, Tuesday through Sunday don’t look too promising either.
  2. When I’m working diligently at my desk should I be smiling? No. My face will naturally relax into whatever it does and it’s not a smile. That’s not normal.
  3. When I’m squished on the Blue Line do you think I’m going to make eye contact with strangers and smile at them? No. Actually, when I’m on any public transportation at all. Someone is either talking obnoxiously loud on their cell, cracked out and falling asleep, smelling like cigs or B.O., spreading germs, sniffling, coughing, bumping into me, leaning on me, crying and echoing through the train car, practicing their singing (no joke) or, in the Blue Line’s case, getting stabbed. Nothing to effing smile about.
  4. While I’m in the middle of my 20 min walk to or from work in the Polar Vortex, also known as Boston, do you think I’m going to look anything but miserable? No, those walks make my face, ears, and hands burning numb. I don’t even want to be looked at, never mind make eye contact AND try to look content. NO. Let’s add rain, wind, sleet, snow, hail and I want to die. OH, forgot to mention how hard it is for others to walk with an umbrellas. Also, slow walkers. I could go on for hours.
  5. While I’m sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic? Hell no..Especially if there are creepy people staring. Mind your own damn business. I can sing if I want to! It’s my car, my music, and my ears that have to deal. My face will harden into bitchy resting face in .02 seconds,no lie.

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I mean look at this poor lady. She and I are both waiting for our cars to be serviced on a Saturday morning. Nothing is particularly wrong but nothing is stellar either. I’m 100% certain she doesn’t even know she is making the ultimate bitch face here. Full frown of disgust- impeccable. Exquisite specimen.

Pros of RBF:

  • I’m not bothered, unless I’m absolutely needed. While it’s nice to be needed, silence truly is golden.
  • I don’t joke about things but really mean it and hope they catch on. I’m very blunt and you won’t second guess it.
  • People think twice before they ask me stupid questions. I think it builds character to not give out answers like candy on Halloween. Work for it yourself.
  • Sarcasm is generally an acceptable answer that is expected at this point.
  • Douches and ugly guys don’t hit on me when I’m out. I’m not going to find my husband in a dive bar anyways. Hopefully. I mean that’s not in the plan.
  • I’m the last person you would chose to sit down next to on the train. You wouldn’t ask me for spare change. You wouldn’t stop me for directions. You won’t ask me to donate to your cause or give a signature for a petition. Honey, I won’t even stop for you to get your sentence out.
  • It’s easy to mess with people which makes me smile (on the inside). My poker face is on point and will keep you up at night wondering if I was kidding or not…
  • When I do smile it’s very genuine.

But, with everything there are also cons of RBF:

  • The nice guys won’t approach me because I look like I’ll rip their face off if they say the wrong thing.
  • It’s a struggle to flirt. Or, maybe I’m just really socially awkward with guys and can’t do it.
  • Sometimes my sarcasm is taken too seriously and I have to apologize for my jokes, even when they’re hilarious.
  • My mom tells me to smile 30 times a day and always blames my frown on my love life.
  • My friends and co-workers ask me why I’m sad all the time. It’s just my face, GOSH!
  • I actually have to tell people when I’m actually mad because no one can tell otherwise.
  • I’m really not a bitch
  • Forehead wrinkles.

I can’t really tell if RBF is a curse or a blessing…

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