5 Things You Should Never Say to a Girl

“You have unrealistic expectations that are too outrageous for any guy to surpass. Stop watching The Notebook.”

Hi, I’m Stacey and you’re dumb and probably lazy, too. A girl would be happy just watching this so called “chick flick” with your stupid ass. Time spent together is always something girls look forward to as soon as plans are made. We may or may not plan our sleep schedules to get the most beauty sleep possible and meals around hanging out with you. Appreciate it, goddamn it. I mean is it really a burden to not check your Twitter for an hour? Focusing on us and not your iPhone is what makes us feel special in this God awful day and age. Such a shame. And, if you want me to address our “unrealistic expectations” here I go: They aren’t unrealistic at all. Every girl is different. It’s just how much effort you put into learning about her. Her thoughts, her moods, her feelings, and how to address them all. She’s already figured you out and is doing what she can to A. make you happy or B. keep you from getting mad. Boys have no inbetween. They are either happy or mad (or dazed and confused). We just want communication and it’s the one thing that guys still haven’t gotten better at after so many years of evolution. Finally, I will never not watch The Notebook. Noah gives me hope. Gorgeous, sexy, romantic hope. teacoffeebooze

“Chill. Why are you sensitive and over-dramatic about everything?”

This pisses me off to no end. AND I’M NOT BEING SENSITIVE. You know in the beginning of dating someone, aka The Honey Moon Stage, when he sends you good morning texts to wake up to and calls you just to say hi and ask how your day is going, and when he pays for the dates, and when he just makes it look like he’s putting in all the work and you think you hit the jackpot because he can’t get more perfect but then you say you love him and he’s like boom, got her. Game Over. That sucks because all the great things he was doing and you were getting used to abruptly stop one morning without any warning. Girls notice this shit and it bothers us. It’s not us being needy. It’s you being fake to get what you want and changing as soon as you know we’ve fallen head over heels with the version of you we thought we knew. Girls also tend to hold onto the great version of their exes and that’s why the on again off again thing happens too often. You have two choices. You can either act like yourself from the beginning or keep up the charade up until after we get married and you’re old and grey and die. dramalorelei

“You’re being a psycho.”

I will freak out if I’m called a psycho by a guy in a fight. To me being called a psycho is equivalent to being called a bitch. Again, neither are nouns a guy can call me and live to tell the tale. Why would a girl be called psycho? Because she asks what you’re up to? Because she double-texts after not hearing from you for 6 hours? Because she acts and talks the same way you do? Because she asks you what’s wrong when you aren’t acting the same because you have no balls and do the “drift” so you don’t actually cut ties so you can go back to her if you get bored? Sorry, that was a long sentence and probably not grammatically correct but it was dead on so, thanks, bye. sammi

“Girls only want bad boys and overlook the good guy every time.”

Girls might go through that phase but we learn. Side note: If you classify yourself as a good guy and announced it to me I actually don’t think there’s enough room for me on this date because your ego is suffocating me.  True story and I just stared at him blankly and shortly walked myself to the T. But hey, we’ll stop going after the bad boys as soon as you outgrow your slut phase. I’m actually a good girl and I’m sure there have been times when I haven’t gotten a second glance because of the innocent vibe I give off and I don’t care. In all honesty, if you don’t take the time to get to know me before you stereotype me then you did me a favor and saved me a bunch of time. tswift

“K.”

Just go fuck yourself. Lose my number because I’m never responding to you after you K’d me. Dick. k

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