Why Fall Actually Sucks

  1. The only reason you’re so pumped about sweaters and leaves falling is because you’re sick of sun burns and humidity. “People don’t take change well.” I call bull. People actually do like change even though it isn’t universally admitted. A change of season in New England breathes life back into our souls especially because it means football and hockey is back.  It also means it’s time to wear wool.. and wool is itchy.
  2. You’re now pale. The sun no longer kisses your skin. No more weekends down the Cape. No more day drinking out on your deck. No more BBQs. Find your chapstick and get used to people asking you if you’re sick once that tan fades.
    pale skin
  3. Foliage is turning beautiful shades of reds, oranges, and yellows. I appreciate all the colors of the wind as much as Pocahontas but by early November everything is just crunchy, dried out, and dead. Raking leaves isn’t fun. Wet leaves aren’t fun. Snakes hide in leaf piles. Yay?
    foliagedead foliage
  4. Pumpkin overload. Pumpkin is the most overrated flavor. How does one get that excited over a vegetable? Pumpkin spice donuts, pumpkin spice lattes, pumpkin spice hair, pumpkin spice whey, pumpkin spice butter, and so on and so forth. It’s beyond ridiculous. I’ll have a bite of pumpkin pie once a year at Thanksgiving but even then I’m not impressed.
  5. Apple picking & pumpkin picking. Really not that fun. You’re only going for a photo op. If you pick a shitty day, you’re gonna freeze your ass off and your Instagram picture will be ruined. No filter can fix a cold Fall day and your boyfriend hates it.
  6. Holidays are stressful. Stress makes me miserable. Holidays = my misery.  Thanksgiving… Halloween… Black Friday… Cyber Monday… People are ridiculous around the holidays and act stupid whether it be in real life, on social media, or driving. These aren’t even holidays I get days off for anyways.
  7. I woke up to 28 degree weather and a heavy frost this morning. Tomorrow is supposed to be 72 degrees. WHAT THE EFF. I don’t know how to match colors in the morning because my eyes don’t actually open until I press the power button on my laptop. Don’t tell me about layering.  How am I supposed to ready myself to freeze and sweat all within 24 hours?
  8. Scrolling through your social media in the Fall is like…. leaves, PSL, boots, PSL, Neff beanies, PSL, brown boots, scarves, pumpkins, apples, baked goods, North Faces, UGGS, Starbucks cups with your name spelt incorrectly, lakes, trees, PSL, and slutty Halloween costumes.
  9. I wake up at 6am and it’s pitch black outside. I leave the office at 6pm and it’s pitch black outside. I don’t see any day light anymore.
  10. Everyone is sick. All the time. By the time you recover from your cold you’ve already passed it on to the person you share your air with for a majority of the day and two days later you have the sniffles again. You’re immune to Airborne by this point. Stuffing your bra with Kleenex is actually practical.

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  1. So I am terribly sorry you don’t like fall but I disagree with every point you have there. Fall is one of the nicest times of the year in New England. I get that you can’t go to the beach which is fun and all but you have to give your skin a little rest from all the tanning or (what seems in your case all the burning). The weather is a little cold but it’s the smell of the air the color of the leaves, it’s all truely beautiful.

    I do think you should go enjoy the outdoors on the weekend or during your lunch break. You should also tell your co workers to work from home so they don’t bring the plague to work. LASTLY apple picking might be one the best fall activities and not all males dislike it.

    1. Thanks Joe. I TRULY appreciate your comment. How many times do you go apple picking during the season? What’s your stand on pumpkin flavored things? What part of New England are you from? How did you find my post?

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