Because I can’t listen to another person ask me why I’m still single I have to write about the pros of not being in a relationship before I explode. I honestly can’t imagine the last two years of my life with a boyfriend. It’s not that relationships hold one back but I do believe that it would be a distraction for me. I mean, I considered myself a ‘relationship person’ and proved that during college since I literally was always in a relationship… until the end of my Junior year. I think that’s when it all clicked for me. I decided that for my own personal growth that I need to be front and center. I tend to give the person I’m involved with my all and at that point in my life I deserved all of my own attention and love. I’m just glad I realized that early enough. My Senior year in college was my most productive and successful out of the four years spent on my education (because I was single). I built a solid foundation for my career, which has yet to make me cry, and had felt better about myself more than anyone else could have made me feel.
It’s too easy to jump into a relationship too soon because you’re lonely. You’re not lonely. You’re bored. If you do make the mistake of continuously jumping from relationship to relationship or hookup to hookup, you will get burnt out. You cannot keep that up forever. You don’t have to kiss all of the frogs to find your prince. In the end, you’ll end up alone again and it’ll be unmerciful. I’d compare it to a drug addict suffering from withdrawals from the hardest drug after quitting cold turkey. You won’t know how to do things alone and the worst thing you can be today is dependent on anyone other than yourself.
Please, go out and have fun. Talk to everyone you meet. Flirt. Take chances. Be friendly to everyone you see. Enjoy the company of friends and strangers and ‘more than friends’. Do what makes you happy and don’t think about how it looks through other people’s eyes. Don’t be naive to today’s dating scene. I’ve learned to have my own best interest in mind and so should you whether you’re going into a relationship, friendship, or job. People hurt others whether they mean to or not. Make the pain worth the emotional investment at the end of the day.
These years are crucial. I cherish the days I’m single because I’ve learned a lot about myself that was clouded before. I know I’ll cherish the days just the same as when I’m in a relationship because I have taken the time to process my past relationships and I can see my future because I know what I want. And, more importantly, I know what I don’t want.
- Unlimited Possibilities. Besides my family, who are scattered throughout the World, I have no commitment to stay where I am. I can get an incredible job offer in South Africa and move next month. Or, even simpler, I can arrange an impromptu girl’s weekend down the Cape and only worry about moving around my schedule. I don’t have to ask permission or feel guilty for wanting to do something alone.
- Self-Awareness. I’ve learned what it takes to make me happy. Self-exploration is difficult when you’re in a relationship because when you’re with someone, you’re trying to figure out what the end game is and figure the other person out. You need to figure yourself out first– it’s super corny and everyone says it but, it’s because it’s true.
- Simplicity. This is going to sound wicked selfish but you can call it what you want. I don’t have to go out on Friday night getting to know his whole World if I’m not feeling social. I don’t have to split holidays with his family. I don’t have more dates to remember for birthdays or an anniversary. And, I’m not required to be anywhere on behalf of a boy… eventually, this all will change but everything is so easy and cheap now compared to what it could be.
Things You Should Do While You’re Single:
- Whatever the Hell you want. Find a hobby. I guarantee that if I was in a relationship a year and 10 months ago that I wouldn’t have started to blog. I wouldn’t have had my words published to millions of readers worldwide on popular sites nor would I be getting paid to freelance blog for two different websites now. I’m impressed with myself. It took a lot of time and work to get to this point.
- Live Healthy and make it a habit. Start running or sign up for a gym and GO. Eat better than chicken wings and beer every night. Have your cake and eat it, too- you don’t have to share it either!
- Focus on Friends and Family. These people will be there for you through thick and thin. They’ll be there when the one who you thought you were going to get married to leaves you. Do not forget about them and definitely do not take their support for granted.
Be happy whether you’re single or not. You’ve been on both sides of the fence here. It’s a different, more fulfilling experience after you’ve done some soul searching. Ignore the pressures from your parents and grandparents. After all, they just want to see you happy, too. Embrace the time you have to yourself and appreciate it. Being single isn’t worse than being married; sometimes it’s better and sometimes it’s not, without a question it’s just different. One day I hope to meet the man who I’ll spend the rest of my life with but until then I’m going to enjoy being single until I can’t.