Holiday Edition: “Why Are You Still Single?”

When you sit down and really think about it. It’s over a full month of family. Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas, and New Years. If you’re as close to your family as I am you can get as early as Halloween and add in New Year’s Eve. It’s a lot of togetherness in a short amount of time.

Inevitably, during all that time spent together, I get the questions. Even people I work with, who barely know me, ask me what’s up.

“When are you going to get married?”

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

“What happened¬†to (insert name of ex-devil here)?”

“Don’t you want to give me great grandbabies?”

I totally understand where the questions come from. I’m a freaking catch (my mom, grandma, and aunts tell me all the time). As far as my family knows, I haven’t had a boyfriend since 2013. The truth is, I’ve had a few over the past 4 years but just none that made the cut to meet the fam. I take that step very seriously. Especially considering the last boy that got introduced now does my entire extended family’s landscaping. They see him more than they see me.

I’m totally not even phased by the sympathy looks or the guilt trips anymore. Some people act as though it’s MY fault. As if, I forgot to go to the store and pick up a boyfriend ¬†while I was out getting milk. I’ve kind of been preoccupied with other stuff to worry about since graduating from college. Like, figuring out my future and building the foundation for my life. The one will find me when it’s time.

Until that day comes, like in my next life :P, here are some of my wittiest responses that I’m sharing with you to use. I’m kind of considering writing up a one pager of my accomplishments (that doesn’t include any progress in my love life) over the past year and passing it out before they even get the chance to ask. If that’s too drastic for you, use the below (and laugh):

  1. He’s not out of jail yet.

  2. I haven’t swiped right on Mr. Right yet

  3. I’m never getting married. (Grandmas don’t like this one)

  4. Boys are stupid. Look at *insert male family member who is present*.

  5. The ring wasn’t big enough.

  6. I’m between exes right now.

  7. I’m still saving up to order one from Europe.

  8. I make boys cry.

  9. I’m in a very serious, committed relationship with my dog.

  10. I don’t like people.

  11. I don’t want to get stuck with someone like you.

  12. Why don’t we talk about how I raised my salary by $20k in the last year instead?

  13. I don’t know. Why are you still married?

  14. *Shows gravy stains on shirt and shrugs*

  15. I’m just lucky, I guess.

To be quite honest, my biggest concern is that I’m running out of smart ass remarks to the boyfriend/marriage questions and not actually when I’ll meet the one. Hah.

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